“Grinding the ax” 1 “acknowledgement”

2 Peter 2:19 (a): “For of whom a man (person) is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.”

So many women either are there, have been there, and done that, and keep going back and doing it again, and again.

Why do so many have problems with this issue?

This does cross-reference to sin but it can apply to many situations in life. And that is exactly what I am using it for.

Domestic violence and unhealthy relationships that so many get trapped in and KEEP getting trapped in.

The psychology behind all this is truly mind numbing, you could study it from every possible angle and condition and still never truly understand what makes people evil or what makes people stay in relationships with evil people.

But Biblically, we have EXTREMELY clear answers but as we know often these answers have been twisted through the years to fit into a religious male agenda.

And I am not saying all Christian guys, pastors, or teachers hold these views. FAR FROM IT, but the ones who have held those views, more so in the days of old have more than damaged the cause for women’s rights and equality.

Women are destroying themselves, staying in theses relationships, allowing these false beliefs and false views on what they should be, need to be, and especially are expected of God to be.

This is such a double-edged sword topic because I know of a certainty many women who are feminists want NOTHING to do with God because of thees falsely taught beliefs and then others suffer in these relationship because they BELIEVE God expects them too. And it is ALL wrong, wrong, and wrong!

And after “refreshing” my brain with the new stats, obviously whatever we are doing as a society is NOT working.

Common knowledge abusers often came from home of abuse. Men who as children saw their mothers abused by their fathers. Women who as children witnessing the abuse of their mothers.

And everyone growing up with all the wiring and all the wrong data being programmed into them and when they are faced with the same situation later in life that default reaction takes over.

Not always, but often and you can trace the “target” on one’s head that attracts predators to some other traumatic event, but nevertheless, it is still a target.

Here’s some stats: The leading cause of injuries for women in the United States is abuse, to the tune of around slightly over four billion dollars a year being spent on medical costs of those abuse.

Every nine seconds a woman is beaten or assaulted.

Worldwide, one in three women are beaten or coerced into sex or other forced activity. 

Threats or threatened suicide by their boyfriend affect one in five teenaged girls.

One in four women suffer violent attacks at least once in their lifetime, usually before the age of twenty-five.

One in ten women are raped by their partners. Men who beat their partners and ALSO beat their children are a staggering sixty-two percent.

And pets are also usually victimized. {which should be an easy one, IF a guy hurts you, he sure as Hades isn’t going to care who else he hurts, ESPECIALLY someone you love, these people ARE evil and we must realize that}

And for the record, if you are in one of these relationships, as the adult, it is your responsibility to not only get yourself out of this relationship but you are the ONLY way of getting the children, pets, and whoever else that may be vulnerable and unable to take action for themselves, out of harm’s way. These people are not going to change, until they want to change and  there is NO SUCH THING as toughing it out for the children.

As the Bible states, Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and (even) when HE IS OLD, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT.”

It does not matter what school or society teaches, what shapes all of us is what OUR parents teach us and what we learn in our own homes. And that can take a lifetime to overcome if it is not the RIGHT teachings and how to correctly, respectfully interact with one another.

They are being damaged with every passing moment they are subjected to this dysfunctional lifestyle and if you want your son to grow up to batter the women in his life  just keep letting him to see his father or any man beat you.

And if you want to almost guarantee your daughter to be someone’s future punching bag then keep allowing her to see you beaten and verbally abused and YOUR responses in taking him back time after time after time and trying to hold it all together with the age old excuse “He doesn’t mean it”, or “He loves us in his own way.” 

He does MEAN it and He does not love anyone but himself.


 Love does not hit and love should never hurt.(but we’ll get into what the Bible teaches on that in a following post in this series) loneliness, fear, not being “able to make it without them” are not valid excuses, and I did say excuse because we have to quit making excuses for them, that’s why we have an epidemic.

Would you not want protection from a stranger that just walked up to you and beat you senseless?

Would you not want that person prosecuted so that he could not hurt anyone else? There is NO difference, the only difference is the difference we make in justifying it.  

Men whose fathers abused their mothers have double the rate of abusing women. Women are not always the victim of a father, husband, or boyfriend.

Talk about “friends like that…” fifty three percent of rapes are committed against women by their “friends”.

 Thirty-six percent of women who have reported aggravated assaults have been assaulted by their “friends”.

And twenty-two percent of  the women who are murdered are murdered by their “friends”. 

It’s not just family, and friends, twenty-four percent of stalking victims are stalked by acquaintances and thirteen percent are stalked by complete strangers.

Even with all these truly horrific numbers the most terrifying thought is that we allow it. 

 We allow it individually and we allow it as a society and  women who have been subjected to  a lifetime of abuse, often going from growing up with an abusive father, marrying an abusive husband, or dating abusive men, (often the same kind of man, over and over) and finally finding themselves in a place of hopelessness with no self-esteem, riddled with false guilt and false shame trapped in a prison of the mind. And I want to show you through this series that God does NOT want that for you.

And for other women, even after overcoming the original bondage of abuse, still become entangled in other relationships and self depreciating patterns that are just as deadly and just as damaging to the soul. 

But hopefully this is a “thinking point” and if you are in this situation, please get out and I know that is sometimes easier said than done. But get out and allow Jesus to start that healing process and again we’ll get into a lot of Bible teachings about how God WANTS you to be treated and believe me it is with the highest love, respect, and cherishment.

And we’ll learn about the pitfalls and snares that that undealt with soul damage can lead us to us. And explain the title a little better.

Information taken from below listed sources and I encourage for more information to check out these sites and learn more, especially the warning signs that you could be in a dangerous relationship. Please join me next time and until then please check out the song below. Our ONLY peace…..

Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017

To read this entire series:

“Grinding the ax” 2… “Real Love?”

“Grinding the ax” #3 “Anger Danger”

“Grinding the ax” #4 “STRANGLE HOLD”

Information taken from the following sources:

domestic violence statics .org

ace treatment centers.org 

ending stalking in america (esia). org

There are countless resources on this subject.


“In the pits?”

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings (steps). And he hath put a new song in my mouth, EVEN praise unto our God;  MANY SHALL SEE ITand fear (BELIEVE) and SHALL TRUST IN THE LORD.” Psalm 40:2,3

Nothing quite like being “down in the pits” spiritual pits, life pits, stress and aggravation pits, the path we walk can often be riddled with pit after pit carefully placed there by the enemy and those who are our earthly enemies to trip, trap, and send us tumbling down into that pit and the funny thing with pits is this, you are going to never free yourself from a pit.

No one can climb their way out of a pit, nothing to hold onto, nothing to hoist them upward, nothing to stand on. Just trapped, with only one way out, straight up.

And sometimes we we are in a pits we must be very very careful when it comes to how we get out of that thing, what may look like a rescue line thrown down into that pit, a blessing, even guised as an answered prayer can actually be an even bigger snare that once you are freed leaves you running headfirst into an even more sinister trap.

Which explains the necessity of seeking with our soul rather than thinking with our head, logic is not always what it appears. I’m gonna give you to examples of two men of God, two pits, two “rescues and then you’ll dig where I’m coming from about it.

Most know the story of Joseph, he was the son of Jacob and Jacob loved him dearly, because he loved his mother dearly and Joseph had the nature of his mother, he was gentle and kind and his father favored him and this caused some serious jealousy, resentment, and hate spewed at him from his brothers.

To put it mildly, his older brothers were really some rude, crude, and loud dudes whose hearts were in no way right. And if you have never read the story of Joseph, PLEASE read it, but for now we will pick it up here, when he has been sent out by his father to feed them (boy, you could get into some symbolism with that, maybe we will one day)

Genesis: 37:18-29: “And when they saw him AFAR off, even before he came near unto them, THEY CONSPIRED AGAINST HIM TO SLAY HIM. And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh.

 Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into SOME pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what shall become of his dreams.

 And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands, and said, Let us not kill him. And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid (rescue) him out of their hands, to deliver him (take him) to his father again.

And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethre, that they strip Joseph out of his coat, his of many colors that was on him; And they took him and cast him into  a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it.

And THEY SAT DOWN TO EAT BREAD : and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and behold, a company (group) of Ishmaelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt.

And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his death?

Come, and let us SELL him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.


 And Reuben RETURNED UNTO THE PIT; AND BEHOLD, JOSEPH WAS NOT IN THE PIT; and he rent (tore) his clothes.” 

Man, now that was some bad blood.

Let’s see what we got going on here, well they hated him and they were so enraged and jealous that their Dad had made a special tunic for Joseph and God had blessed Joseph with a dream and that just really added fuel to the fire. And notice that they were already plotting his murder and had decided his fate before he even reached them.

To get into a little spiritual insight here, think about what they said about “seeing what becomes of his dreams” people will secretly hate you and want nothing more, often because of sheer jealousy (which IS a spirit BTW) and want nothing more than to destroy your hopes and “dreams”.

Let’s talk about Reuben, He KNEW this was wrong, he COULD have stopped this, but he DIDN’T because he would not stand up for what was right, he wanted to do it on the down low.

He planned to go back and rescue Joseph and take him back home, but through his cowardice he talked them out of killing Joseph only to have him thrown into a pit from which he would be drawn up only to go into slavery.

Reuben could’ve, should’ve but didn’t and that made him just as guilty as his brothers.

This pit was in the “wilderness”, we all know what that means, wilderness, scary places that we have never been nor know anything about and certainly don’t know how we will survive there.

And to top it all off they feel so good about what they have done to their brother they sit down and eat while he is terrified in a pit trying to figure out why on earth they hate him. Then the greed kicks in and they decide a little profit is better than blood on their hands as if this were really  a lesser sin, talk about self-deception!

I am sure Joseph felt relief being pulled up out that pit, even not knowing what fate would await him, but just getting out of it and his “freedom” from the pit gained his brothers twenty pieces of silver but in the spirit world prophetically purchased the future slavery of the Hebrews by the Egyptians, the land into which Joseph was sold.

Let no one ever deceive you, every action has consequence and often those consequences linger and they linger for generations. 

Jeremiah is known as the prophet of doom, he had a job and he had to do his job and absolutely at no time was anyone happy about anything that came out of Jeremiah’s mouth.

But Jeremiah was blessed and he was a prophet of God and as they could hate he and they could try to kill him, they could never silence or kill the Word of God which came forth from him.

He went through so much that he even wished for a second that he had not been born, he proclaimed that he would no longer speak nor make mention of God’s name… but oh that fire, who can stop that fire?

God would raise His Spirit up and Jeremiah would once again regain focus. We are coming in on the story where they are mad, so mad because he has once again advised them with words they do not want to hear, and the saddest reality with the Book of Jeremiah is the same reality we have now, they could have listened, they could have obeyed God, but they didn’t.

Just like Reuben, a bad case of Could’ve, Should’ve but Didn’t. Had they repented and turned from their evil ways, God would have turned his wrath and spared them, let’s see how that went.

Jeremiah 38:1-13, 38: ” Then Shephatiah the son of Mattan, and Gedaliah the son of Pashur, and Jucal the son of Shelemiah, and Pashur, the son of Malchiah heard the words that Jeremiah had spoken unto all the people, saying,

Thus saith the Lord, He that remaineth in this city shall die by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence, but he that goeth forth to the Chaldeans shall live; for he shall have his life for a prey (prize) and shall live.

Thus saith the Lord, This city shall surely be given into the hand of the king of Babylon’s army, which shall take it.

 Therefore the princes SAID unto the king, We beseech thee, LET THIS MAN BE PUT TO DEATH; for thus he weakeneth the hands of (is discouraging) the men of war which remain in this city, and the hands of  all the people, in speaking such words unto them: for this man seeketh not the welfare of this people, but the hurt (harm).

  Then Zedekiah the king said, Behold, He is in your hand: for the king is not he that can do any thing against you.


NOW WHEN EBEDMELECH THE ETHIOPIAN, one of the eunuchs which was in the king’s house, heard that they had put Jeremiah in the dungeon; the king then sitting in the gate of Benjamin;

Ebedmelech went forth out of the king’s house, and SPAKE unto the king, saying, My lord the king, these men have done evil in all that they have done to Jeremiah the prophet, whom they have cast into the dungeon; and he like (likely) to die for hunger in the place where he is: for there is no more bread in the city.

Then the king commanded Ebedmelech the Ethiopian, saying, Take from hence thirty men with thee, and TAKE UP JEREMIAH THE PROPHET OUT OF THE DUNGEON BEFORE HE DIE.

So Ebedmelech  took the men with him, and went into the the house of the king under the treasury, and TOOK THENCE OLD CAST CLOUTS (old clothes) AND ROTTEN RAGS, AND LET THEM DOWN BY CORDS INTO THE DUNGEON TO JEREMIAH.



So Jeremiah abode in the court of the prison UNTIL the day that Jerusalem was taken and he was there when Jerusalem was taken.” 

As with Reuben, the king could’ve stopped this, Jeremiah was a prophet and the king knew this, so he should’ve stopped this but just like Reuben, he didn’t. 

But Ebedmelech had compassion, and courage and he could, he knew he should and he did!

And a eunuch and his use of old clothes and rotten rags is also very interesting because sometimes we can be pulled up out of pits by some very unexpected people using some very humble things, things that may not look so rescue worthy, maybe not quite what we were thinking of but yet perfect for the job of rescuing us and making the pull up a little less painful.

Notice neither of these pits had water, Joseph’s was empty and Jeremiah sunk up as he also would be “stuck” in bondage until Jerusalem was taken. Both were “free” from the pits,but they still were not quite “home free” and in life certain things can look good, they can look like a way out, people can seem to be your friends and be coming to “save” you out of the pit and in truth only be saving you because it will profit them something.

So you have to be careful when you reach up to hold onto that rope that has been dropped down to you and make certain it is the one that will lead to true freedom. Pay close attention to who is on the other end of it.

And if you know someone is in danger of “being thrown into a pit”, meaning someone cooking up plans against them, or if you see someone already “in a pit”, PLEASE don’t EVER allow yourself to be the one who SHOULD’VE, COULD’VE, BUT DIDN’T!

Because only God can truly deliver, only God can reach down that far and pull us up, only God can release us from being “stuck” in that miry clay of bondage and suffering and only God can set our feet on that firm foundation, on that solid rock. And only God can put a NEW song in our mouth and once others see us come UP OUT OF A PIT OF CERTAIN DEATH AND DESTRUCTION, A PIT OF NO RETURN, AS OUR SCRIPTURE TELLS US, THEY SEE IT, THEY THEN BELIEVE, THEY THEN TRUST GOD BECAUSE THEY HAVE SEEN THE PIT WE HAVE BEEN DELIVERED FROM! 

Blessing, Love & Peace till next, keep your eyes on the prize! Love Sister Nina

Φλογιζω NBJ 2017

“Misplaced pearls”


“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”And of course that was Jesus speaking in John 10:10

And you may be wondering just what that has to do with pearls… EVERYTHING! Pearls ARE precious, most of us own a strand,we wear them on important occasions, and days we just want to dress up a little but there is something so secret, so beautiful, so feminine that many of us love the feeling of wearing a strand of  beautiful pearls with our favorite pair of jeans.

WHY? What on earth could be so different about these perfect little orbs that sets them so far apart from other “jewels” that may be considered EVEN more beautiful like diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, or even jade and all stones semi-precious?

Could it because of the association pearls have ALWAYS been associated with PURITY and INNOCENCE?

Forever the choice jewelry of BRIDES everywhere and do you remember reading that I did write that this entire blog is stir up and awaken us to the realization that we are part of a soon to take place wedding?


Revelation 20:9: “And he said unto me, Write, BLESSED ARE THEY WHICH ARE CALLED UNTO THE MARRIAGE SUPPER OF THE LAMB.And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.”

And we are encouraged throughout the Bible to be prepared, to have on our “wedding garments” as John saw:

“And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, PREPARED as a bride adorned for her husband.” Revelation 21:2

And at this wedding we ALL get to wear our pearls! But sometimes we misplace them, or the “thief” comes and truly steals them, hides them from us, or just rips the strand apart and they plunge to the ground, whirling in  a hundred directions and landing a thousand miles apart and we are left with the task of trying to recover every single pearl and restring the entire necklace.

But you know, we are not that talented because our true pearls were master crafted and ONLY He can put that necklace together again.

One of the ways pearls have been worn over the ages is a symbol of mourning because the little seed pearls look like tear drops and pearls were chosen by brides as a representation of purity, chastity, innocence, beauty, and mostly importantly for here, NEW BEGINNINGS.

Spiritually we are BORN with those beautiful pearls AS a gift from our Father when He created us.

And THOSE pearls ARE our innocence, our purity, and our beauty in Him. But LIFE and the enemy have  a way of sneaking in and either getting us to take off those pearls and lay them aside and sometimes in moments of repeatedly putting them on, only to decide to take them back off, we end up misplacing them.

And sometimes we have taken them off, laid them down on a nightstand and the enemy has stolen them, hid them, and laughed as we beg for them back.. all the while telling us that had we really wanted them we would have never been in that bed anyway and now we don’t deserve them back.

And I think the hardest would be when you did not take them off, the enemy came with destruction and ripped them off your neck and being left absolutely helpless trying to gather them through your tears as they roll across the floor.

Can you see it? Can you see the innocence and the purity that the enemy HAS stolen, killed, and destroyed concerning the sisters and daughters IN the world and those who are SAVED and STILL struggle with surrendering completely to God for fear of what the enemy has LIED to them about?  

Jesus IS the RESTORER, He wants nothing more than to RESTORE every single part of us. We are the ones who have the problem actually LETTING Him do that because we are often so afraid to let Him see what needs shown, EVEN though He already sees it, He already knows it.

You can be saved and still be holding on to something so deep, so painful that whether you know it or not really does IMPACT everything about your life, your happiness, and your joy. And to have true fulfillment in who He created you to be and who He wants you to be on this earth, you have to ask yourself, Where are those pearls?

And if NONE of this applies to you, that is great and just pray for the 99.9% that it does apply to.

Virginity or rather the loss thereof.. which is usually, in our present world the real point that starts so many women down the spiral to places He never intended His daughters to walk because that is something so precious and was only EVER meant to be shared in a holy union and that is why so many women have felt disillusioned, lost, and instead of feeling loved, been left feeling completely empty and this sets them up to repeat this over and over again because so many feel like once that have started this path, the can never go back BUT I promise you can get off that path any time you choose.

Our society has brain washed women into giving themselves completely away simply because the world tells them that is what they are supposed to do.

Satan IS a liar and the father of lies, you will never find “love” in anything the world has to offer and sex is just satan’s completely carnal counter to what God had intended to be beautiful and it will never make you feel anything, when it is all said and done, than worse than you did before it happened.

Virginity is an absolute blessed state. So taking that obvious “loss” off the table. Pearls can be lost and damaged by our relationships to our father’s, fathers are supposed to protect us, nurture us and not everyone has that relationship or if you have had a father who is just emotionally distant, you are losing the pearls of security knowing that someone is looking out for you and that there is someone who will love you unconditionally and dry all your tears.

Maybe you had a great childhood and a wonderful Dad but marriage was the misplacement of your pearls.

If trust is broken when you have given someone your heart, your life, every part of all you are and it is supposed to be forever and either he turns out to be a jerk or worse a cheating batterer, because those two go hand in hand, well that is a recipe for a whole different disaster.

So, if as you have read this, you are feeling tears swell up just a little, I want to challenge you, we all KNOW our hearts, we all KNOW our hurts, wounds, and raging resentments, write them down, in your own private time, write them down, every single thing as far back as you can go that has hurt you, made you question your self-worth, and especially things that have made you feel like you have lost “yourself” and of course it is going to hurt and it will probably hurt like no tomorrow. 

Don’t be surprised if you see things that you never noticed, times where people were manipulating you and you never realized, times that you can see in retrospect that led to bad decisions and self-destructive behavior later on.

If you worry someone will find your innermost secrets, burn it or shred it in  a million pieces and flush it when you are through.

But it is necessary because it frees you and helps you recognize things for what they really are.

Wounds, memories, and mistakes that DO NOT define who you are, and we have to acknowledge these areas in order to TRULY give it all to Christ.

He is a perfect gentleman and He wants to help you and make all things new and HE DOES already KNOW every single detail of your life BUT He will not force His way into your life, but wants you to come to Him, KNOWING that He does NOT judge you and will NOT be asking WHY on earth did you do that?

Nor will He ask, WHAT were you thinking? He is nothing like anything most have been taught and I promise once you start “searching” for those pearls and being honest about “where” your life, in your past they had been misplaced or “where” they were stolen or THOUGHT destroyed by an event that you HAD NO CONTROL over.

HE CAN MAKE IT ALL NEW, I can not stress that enough, And I promise once that “alabaster” starts to crack, you will know, you will probably feel like your cracking too, but we HAVE to break to be made new and HE WILL NEVER LET YOU BREAK BEYOND REPAIR, so do not be afraid, LET HIM hold you and wipe away every tear and place upon your neck an even more precious strand, whose cost is beyond measure, and this new strand will never be misplaced again.

Join me next time and we’ll check out some alabaster!

Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017

Love this song! And this IS what you need to know!




Isaiah 9:2: “The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the LAND of the shadow of death, UPON them hath THE LIGHT SHINED.”

John 8:12: “THEN spake JESUS AGAIN unto them, saying, I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the LIGHT OF LIFE.

1 John 1:5:  “THIS then IS the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God IS light, and in him there is no darkness at all.” 

This post is the absolute cumulative message of my entire ministry. If no thought were ever provoked, no scripture heart embedded, no sword ever given, not one seed planted, nothing watered, if every word fell upon deaf ears and blinded eyes, I do pray that this one will be received with spiritual hearing and the spiritual sight given to the saints.

I had asked the Lord once to allow me to just be, even to one person, the difference that the words of another had been to me. When I was seeking, as I always refer to it (and I have many times) “trying to be saved”, I would listen and listen to Christian programs and ministers and finally one hit something that stayed with me, a word that I desperately needed and a Bible story that I had NEVER ever heard, changed my life and gave me something I had not been able to find, HOPE.

The story was about Abraham taking Isaac to be sacrificed and the ram being caught in the thicket as the “replacement” sacrifice and the name JEHOVAH-JIREH because the Lord ALWAYS provides and He provided HIS OWN SON as sacrifice for our sin, my sin, your sin, the sin of the entire world, every sin ever committed or ever to be committed.

HE bore it all and the HOPE in that message, the HOPE that God really DOES see and He really DOES care and no matter what we have been through or are going through or the future holds.

Once I was saved and knew Him, something came flooding back to my mind, one of those moments of  “I wish I knew then what I know now”, I had a dream, and the Bible does say, if it was a dream, tell it as a dream because we have to be so careful ass to what we attribute the Lord’s name to, so anyway, I was probably around eleven, maybe twelve and I had the strangest dream, it was solid black, no color, no light, just solid blackness, and I heard a voice and the voice said, “I am the I am that is” and that was it.I woke up and I was so disturbed and troubled and told my family.

After I was saved I was praying and I was like God why didn’t you tell me that was you, and as quick as that went through my mind, it came back to my mind, that I HAD been told. Even the name of the person who told me came flooding back, I had this dream during like an afternoon nap and my brother had a friend who came right after I woke up and was telling my family and he said, “Maybe it was God.” and I was like “Why on earth would God be in darkness?” and wouldn’t God say He was God, and why would He talk to me? The friend went on to tell me that He referred to Himself as “I AM” in the Old Testament, anyway, I truly just didn’t think anymore of it until I got saved.

And I think we ALL do that sometimes when God is trying to get our attention in the world and we have our thoughts as to what these encounters would be like. I now have no question about it and it has been my ministry message mission.

I was only STILL stumped by one fact. WHY was in dark? Tried to figure that one out for years and I do believe I know now. IT IS DARK.

It was NOT this dark when I was saved, but everyday it gets darker and darker and we can all attest to the fact that there is things going on that no one would have ever believed would be allowed to be called Christian and atrocities committed so far beyond our comprehension that we should be grateful for the desensitization from some of it, or our minds would fry.

 This world IS covered in darkness, peoples hearts are dark, their thoughts are dark and EVEN in the face of absolute darkness, ONE TRUTH remains, JESUS IS.

He IS the voice in the darkness, HIS IS the voice that will shout with the TRUMP of God, HIS IS the voice that in unison with His bride will send out that FINAL invitation of salvation before and it IS HIS voice of judgment the entire world will hear upon His return.

And for all the thoughts and sermons done on the marvelous works of old and His great overthrows of Pharaoh and all the hosts of enemies who troubled His chosen throughout the ages, we need to remember something, HE IS NOT ONLY THE GOD WHO WAS…HE IS THE GOD WHO STILL IS!

And though the world is much worse and we are much less sensitive to his “voice” because our ears can never get away from the noises, sounds, and confusions of this world, HE STILL IS and only in calling on WHO HE IS in these times are we going to see change and deliverance and I promise you, for every single trouble or situation, demon, or foe, there IS a scripture of “God IS….” to counter every attack and make His voice known even in the pit of blackness and we know that there has never been such a time as this for the night watchmen and all those who sit captive to that darkness.

We sometimes become temporarily “blinded” in that darkness and smoke of the enemies pit and we are so busy groping, trying to find our way through that, that we can fail to hear the voice calling out the direction back into the places of light and clarity. That is the importance of following Him, as He said we will have the LIGHT of LIFE, His light, the LIGHT we can share with others, as His light shines upon them also.

One thing will NEVER change, HE WAS. HE IS. AND HE WILL FOR EVER BE. “He is the I AM that Is”, I really want to drive that message home.

This world IS dark, He IS light, this world hurts, He IS comfort, This world is uncertain, He IS peace, This world is death, He IS the resurrection from the dead. This world will betray you, He IS the one who will never leave or forsake you.

And He IS Blessed forevermore. And HE IS the Blessing, the hope, the security of those in the darkness of this world.  HIS name IS the ointment poured forth and it IS HE who has risen with healing in His wings and it IS His name whose proclamation will make seas roar and mountains tremble and HIS name whose power sets the captive free and as you pray for those captives :

Psalm 124:6-8: “ BLESSED  be the Lord who hath NOT given us as prey to their teeth; Our soul IS escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowlers; The snare IS broken, and we ARE escaped. Our help IS in the NAME of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

His name holds ALL power: John 17:4-6:  “Jesus therefore, knowing all things that should come upon him, went forth, and said unto them, Whom seek ye? They answered him, Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus saith them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with them.  As SOON then as HE HAD SAID UNTO THEM, I AM HE, they went backwards (drew back) and fell to the ground.”

Many times Jesus told them exactly who He WAS and IS. The book of John starts with the verse: “IN THE BEGINNING  WAS the Word, and the WORD WAS WITH GOD, and the WORD WAS GOD.”

Just in this one Book, not to mention the other books, He makes these statements, to the woman at the well, I that speak unto thee, am he.” When he came walking on the sea to the disciples, he said, “It is I, be not afraid.” He also stated, “For the bread of God IS he which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto the world” And as they asked for the bread He responded, ” I am  THE bread of life”  and again, “I am THAT bread of life” and  “I am the LIVING bread” 

So many statements it would be impossible to list them here, so we’ll wrap it up with the wrap up of the revelation, the disclosure of it all, and if you will notice in your Bible the word Revelation is capitalized in the first verse, meaning that this word is NOT just a title, it is so much more, it IS the revelation that Jesus had and gave of all that would be!

Revelation 1: 1-18: “The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto him, to shew (show) his servants things which shortly (quickly) come to pass; and he sent and confirmed it by his angel unto his servant John: Who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, and of all things that he saw.

Blessed is he that readeth, and THEY THAT HEAR the words of this prophecy, and KEEP those things which ARE WRITTEN therein: for the time is at hand.

John to the seven churches which are in Asia: Grace be unto you, and peace for him which IS and which WAS and which IS TO COME: and from the seven Spirits which are before his throne; and from Jesus Christ, who IS the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth.


Unto him that loved us and washed us from our sins in his own blood.  And hath made us kings and priest unto God and his Father; TO HIM BE GLORY AND DOMINION FOR EVER AND EVER. A-MEN’.


I John, who ALSO am your brother, and the companion in tribulation(persecutions), and IN the kingdom and patience (perseverance) of Jesus Christ, was in the isle of Patmos, for the word of God (banished for preaching) and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.

I was IN the Spirit on the Lord’s day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet. Saying, I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the seven churches which are in Asia; unto Ephesus, and unto Smyrna, and unto Pergamos, and unto Thyatira, and unto Sardis, and unto Philadelphia, and unto Laodicea.

And I turned to see the voice that spake with me, and BEING turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks: and in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man, clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt (girded) around the paps (chest) with a golden girdle (band).

His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire: And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned (were refined) in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.

And he had in his right hand seven stars; and OUT of his mouth went a sharp two-edged sword; and HIS COUNTENANCE WAS AS THE SUN SHINETH IN HIS STRENGTH. And when I saw him, I FELL AT HIS FEET as dead.

And HE LAID HIS RIGHT HAND UPON ME, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last: I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore. A-men; and have the keys to hell and of death.”

It is hard not to notice that John, like Moses, WAS TURNED to pay attention to what God wanted to enlighten them too. And we also see that John suffered great persecutions because of the testimony and word of Christ, and he held to the promises of an eternal reward for that present suffering, which serves as a great reminder that if you want the promises of God on your life, you must be completely given to him, none of the candy coat business or seeking God when we need him, no, it has to be everything to Him.

And we end on the same note that we started, and as God spoke the very light into existence, He will speak it into this darkness of earth:

Revelation 22:12-16:And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward IS with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.

Blessed ARE they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates of the city. For without (outside) are dogs (depraved men, and sorcerers, and whoremongers (sexually immoral), and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie (liars).

I Jesus, have sent mine angel to testify unto YOU these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.”

Remember two things in life, if everything else fades away, HE IS and HE WILL FOR EVER BE.

Φλογίζω Σαλπιζω NBJ 2017

Reaching the river

“As the hart panteth after the water brooks, So panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my meat (food) day and night, While they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me:

For I HAD gone with the multitude, I went with them to the house of God, With the voice of joy and praise, with a multitude that kept holyday.  WHY are thou cast down (bowed down), O my soul?  and why are thou disquieted (worried, nervous, anxious) in me? 

HOPE THOU IN GOD: for I shall YET praise him (give thanks) for the help of his countenance (His presence).

O my God, my soul is cast down within me; therefore I WILL REMEMBER THEE from the land of Jordan, and the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.

Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: ALL thy waves and thy billows ARE GONE OVER ME. Yet the Lord WILL command his lovingkindness  in the DAYTIME, and in the NIGHT his SONG shall be with me, And MY PRAYER unto the GOD OF MY LIFE.

I will say unto God my rock, Why hast thou forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of my enemy? 

As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; While they say daily unto me, Where is thy God? WHY art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me?

HOPE THOU IN GOD: FOR I WILL YET PRAISE HIM, Who IS the health of my countenance and MY GOD.” Psalm 42:1-11

Every single one of us experience these seasons in life and sometimes we feel like they will never end. When you feel like you can almost hear your circumstances echoing “WHERE is your God?”

You KNOW that you HAVE served the Lord, you HAVE went into His house with joy and praise and yet… you know feel your soul bowed down, nervous, anxious and confused as those “enemies” of your peace still vehemently whisper in your ears… WHY are you going through THIS?

Where is your peace, your joy, and healing? Now to completely seem to jump topic.. I know there are those who have suffered and suffered with the same afflictions for what seems like forever and often we see a televised service or even go to  a revival service that is so charged that YOU KNOW healing and deliverance ARE there… but kinda like the man at the pool who needed a little help getting in the water… it seems something else happens before you get your turn in the prayer line and before you even got started the service ended.

Want to talk to you about that before we finish our verses. The reason those services ARE charged is NOT where the services are held (although I do believe in “Holy” grounds) or even WHO is preaching them or who is singing.

The “charge” is the fact that these services are packed with people who have an EXPECTATION.. their FAITH dial is set to wide open flow and as we know “where two or three are GATHERED together” there HE IS in the midst, so when you have hundreds gathered BELIEVING and EXPECTING of course good things are going to take place. But again it is NOT person nor place, IT IS level of faith and belief in the fact that HE IS there.

But some things I believe happen in “different” settings, such as our personal prayer closets. That secret meeting place that is just between YOU and JESUS. that place of pouring your heart out, such as the verse above, pouring out your tears, your suffering, your fear and your insecurity and allowing His presence to wash over you and flood you in the billows and waves of His Holy Spirit.

As the verse above. he REASSURED HIMSELF that this fight was not over, THIS was NOT the end! His soul would STILL rejoice in the Lord and in His presence even though it looked quite hopeless at the moment.

Sometimes we are discouraged, sad, and troubled and WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY. I believe this happens sometimes.. not always.. so don’t get me wrong.. but when we feel like that longing and nothing major is going wrong in our lives.. I think it can be a longing to draw closer to the Lord.

But in either case, once he started to remember all the marvelous works that the Lord had already preformed, THOUGHTS changed, because PERCEPTION CAN BE A POWERFUL THING.

He remembered and he had HOPE. Hope because he knew the Lord would send His love and His goodness to him each day, because God’s mercy toward us is “renewed each day” and he knew that God would send the songs of Zion, the songs of hope and encouragement, faith, and peace to comfort him in even the darkest time.

And he learned the power of praying, and praying “without ceasing” to the God of LIFE, God who would give him new life and restore and repair all that had been broken and lead him to those crystal waters and refresh his parched soul.

In our verses, he asked “why” several times and we do not always understand why, but we must hold to that hope and to hold on to that prayer and pray and pray in the “secret place of the Most High” until we are restored, renewed, and refreshed in the times of trouble and doubt.

Seasons pass, troubles fade, and circumstances change so don’t give up your fight and don’t ever give up on God. Troubles come and troubles go, days get brighter and the sun will once again shine but if you give up in that dry, parched land, you will never feel joy and peace until you reach that river and allow Him to refresh you again.


Therefore WE WILL NOT FEAR, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah 

THERE IS A RIVER, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God. The holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her and that right early. The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved.

The Lord of hosts IS with us; The God of Jacob IS our refuge. Selah

Come, behold the works of the Lord, What desolations he hath made in the earth. He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; He breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear asunder (in half); He burneth the chariots in the fire.

BE STILL, and know that I AM God; I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

The Lord of hosts IS with us; The God of Jacob IS our refuge.”

Hope that jogged your memory! RUN into your prayer closet and don’t come out until you have been drenched! He does not need an audience, or a preacher, or the congregation to touch and heal you and often the most earth-shaking blessing come completely one on one, you just have to BELIEVE that He does hear you and BELIEVE that He will answer you and EXPECT Him to rock your world! Run, walk, or if you have to crawl but reach that river and let NOTHING hold you back!

Φλογίζω Σαλπιζω NBJ 2017


“Done Deal”

When Jesus chose to come to earth through the womb of a humble virgin and chose a stable as the destination for his arrival and He chose a poor carpenter as His earthly step-father, it would be to the confusion and confounding of those who awaited the Messiah to be born in splendor, in the finest of palaces with the proverbial golden spoon in His mouth.

And it worked quite nicely, He wanted those who came to Him to come to Him because HE IS not because of who thought THOUGHT Him to be. Only a true King could have such a test to reveal His true servants from those who just wanted His prestige. As we know even after hearing His very words spoken in their own ears, the Pharisees and Jews could still not grasp the thought that the loving, gentle, ORDINARY man could possibly be the Son of the one true God.

Although He did come as ordinary and unpretentious, No matter how it may have appeared we know that HE IS ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY! I am not so sure that we have moved quite far enough away from those thoughts that also easily sway our minds.

We often ignore that still. small voice because our ears are striving to hear a loud proclamation. Sometimes we are so enamored with the thought of having our worlds rocked that we completely miss the fact that the ground IS already shaking.

We can completely miss what is right in front of us, simply because it does not look like we had pictured it to look. It does not sound exactly as we thought it would and by holding onto to OUR thoughts we can miss out on a lot. Just as He said, His ways ARE higher than our ways and His thoughts ARE higher than are thoughts, it rests on forgetting what we ever thought in the first place and acknowledging His will.

I used this particular passage in a former now non-existent post, but I would like to revisit that SAME thought here, again. This is the amazing story of Peter being arrested, imprisoned, supernaturally  freed and those who WERE praying for his freedom, NOT BELIEVING when he literally showed up on their doorstep! We’ll pick up here:

ACTS 12:4-16: “And when he had apprehended him, he put him in prison, and delivered him to four quaternions (squads of four) of soldiers, to keep him: intending after Easter to bring him forth to the people.

 Peter was therefore kept in prison: but PRAYER WAS MADE WITHOUT CEASING OF THE CHURCH UNTO GOD FOR HIM. And when Herod would have (was about to) bring him forth, the same night, Peter was sleeping BETWEEN two soldiers, BOUND WITH TWO CHAINS and the keepers before the door kept the prison (guards were also at the door).

And, behold, the ANGEL of the Lord came upon him (stood by him), and  A LIGHT SHINED  IN THE PRISON: and he smote Peter on the side, and RAISED HIM UP, saying, Arise up quickly. and HIS CHAINS FEEL OFF FROM HIS HANDS.

And the angel said unto him, Gird thyself, and bind on thy sandals (get dressed and put shoes on).  And so he did. And he saith unto him cast thy garment about thee, and FOLLOW ME. And he went out, and followed him: and wist not that it was true which was done by the angel (did not know for sure if it was real) but THOUGHT he saw a vision. 

When they were passed the first and the second ward (guard posts) they came unto the IRON GATE that leadeth into the city; which OPENED TO THEM of his own accord (opened WITHOUT ANY HUMAN HELP): and they went out, and passed through one street; and the angel departed from him.

And when Peter was come to himself, he said, Now I know of a surety (for certain), that the Lord hath sent his angel, and hath delivered me out of the hand of Herod,  and from all the expectation of the people of the Jews.

And when he had considered the thing, he CAME to the house of Mary the mother of John, whose surname was Mark; where MANY WERE GATHERED TOGETHER PRAYING.

And as Peter KNOCKED AT THE DOOR OF THE GATE, a damsel came to hearken (answer the door) named Rhoda. And  when she KNEW Peter’s voice, she opened NOT the gate for gladness (she was so happy that she actually FORGOT to open the door) but RAN IN, and told how Peter stood before the gate.

And THEY SAID UNTO HER, THOU ART MAD (OUT OF YOUR MIND). BUT she CONSTANTLY affirmed that it was even so (true). Then they said it is his angel.  But Peter CONTINUED KNOCKING: and WHEN THEY HAD OPENED THE DOOR, AND SAW HIM, THEY WERE ASTONISHED.”

So much there, here they are praying and praying, seeking and seeking and Rhoda answers the door and she is so happy and overjoyed that she just forgets to open it. When she tells the others they just simply DO NOT BELIEVE it. Now again, maybe if God has sent an old dude leaning on a staff, with a long gray flowing beard, suing terms such as”Hearken, grand prayer warriors…” or sent thunder and lighting to flash as Peter approached, well maybe that was WHAT they thought they should receive as acknowledgment that their prayers had been heard. But no, they got Rhoda, and what they told her, actually translates to, “YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND” so they are like, ” Well, that is just that crazy Rhoda,, making up stuff, just ignore her….you know she isn’t quite right in the head anyway.”

Cute side note, Rhoda must have not been too crazy, she did, after-all get an honorable mention in the book :)! But even after all that praying they STILL REFUSED TO BELIEVE, and decided that it was his angel. If it does not make sense to our human minds, we must FIND an explanation for it, right?

Not sure why we do these things. Do we doubt that our prayers will be answered? Do we really believe that it just COULD NOT be THAT simple? When actually, IT IS that simple. Do we feel that we need more grandeur? And do we feel we need that for the glory of God… or is it for us?

Do we just dislike the messenger and feel that we are worthy of a higher, more “spiritual” messenger? You know, like waiting on a group of herald angels to break down the door and proclaim the answer you have been seeking when actually all that is needed is FOR SOMEONE JUST ANSWER THE DOOR! And acknowledge WHO is standing there! 

We can miss many wonderful events by our own refusal to let God be God and answer AS HE calls and not get so caught up in the delivery or manifestation of these events. Just as His humble arrival to this earth heralded the greatest event of all time. What if the wise men had decided that the place the star led just didn’t look the part? The humble shepherds NEVER expected to hear an angelic chorus praising the birth of the Saviour… which IS EXACTLY WHY they were allowed to hear it! Don’t lose out on a done deal just because you refuse to open the door.

Φλογιζω Σαλπιζω NBJ 2016


 ISAIAH 7: 14,15:  “Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (God with us). Butter and honey SHALL HE EAT, that HE MAY KNOW TO REFUSE EVIL AND CHOOSE THE GOOD.”                                                                                                                       

As we know these scriptures reference Jesus, whom was given good things and treated gently and kindly so HE WOULD KNOW and NOT choose the wrongs paths.

This is a very good argument against spanking and physically harming children and the more common emotional isolation and emotional abuse with words and shame.

Jesus was given good things so he would REFUSE the bad. I belong to the thought group that the major influence on a person is their environment and that if you can change that environment their life can be completely made new. That is not to say that environment can alter God’s will, it can’t, He is still God and still keeps His divine hand over many lives, EVEN when those lives are in absolute disarray.

But the environment of their circumstances can lead that to being a longer process, with many, many obstacles to be overcame. The enemy reverses all things of God and it becomes offering you the bad choices to make you feel compensated in that it presents itself as the only good out there for you.

As you notice this IS in reference to his childhood, we don’t need a Freud wanna be to enlighten us here, that this the time period where snares are set and where we are enslaved through psychological bondage. It is always accomplished in innocent, fragile minds and souls because the enemy wants to ensure it will last a life time.

You can see this so clearly in gangs and cults, and even often in certain types of prostitution and always, always in cycles of domestic abuse and the repeated problem of “picking the wrong guy”, you can’t PICK that many wrong guys! And it is also true for guys who chose women who belittle and mentally emasculate them, they often have domineering mothers and all in all the exposure produces a picture worth a thousand words, and those words speak volumes in lives.

It is the deceptive homing device planted long ago in vulnerable psyches that attracts the wounded to them and sends an unspoken code to predatory forces that you will be a perfect victim. Anyone really believe the “sixth sense” stalkers and serial killers possess (possessed is more like it) in tracking their victims is an all natural evil attribute that they just happen to have been born with? Research it, if you can’t see the demonic force at play there, you will never see it.

So what about the billions and trillions who WERE not given the good and did not know how to refuse the bad, when they seriously believe that “not as bad as…” is the only option given them? If life had been exposure to  evil after evil after evil?

That life will be like an overexposed photo, the light areas will be blurred and washed out, kinda like light IS there only not clear or well-defined.  What we have been exposed to does have impact on whom we become, the choices we make, and the way we live our lives BUT IT DOES NOT DETERMINE WHO WE ARE in Christ. 

That is the greatest news of the Gospel, there is NO life so dark, so tortured, or so messed up that it can not be redeemed by the one who gave it, but it is ALL in the exposure.

If you are underexposed to the good things, love, gentleness and a caring environment of respect, all the dark images will become darker. When someone has been exposed to violence, abuse and mental terrorism that exposure manifests itself in attempts to fit in and belong, feel love, feel whole and feel accepted and a need to be “normal” it explains how young people can be lured into joining gangs with them being beaten nearly to death as an initiation into that “family” and young women can be lured with attention and a false sense of security by men into a life of prostitution.

For many it will manifest as one big ride on a roller coaster of self-destruction, sick to death, desperately knowing you need to get off, but not ever figuring out how to make it stop.

Seeing it yet?  It all an attempt to feel LOVE, real love, love that will give itself FOR YOU not ask you to sacrifice yourself for it. Acceptance that you are accepted FOR you, not who someone else told you that you were or that you had to be. Belonging to a FAMILY, a family that protects YOU and cares for you and does not require your blood as proof of allegiance.

Jesus said “…and he that loseth his life FOR MY SAKE SHALL FIND IT you know what He is saying is this, LOSE your LIFE.

LOSE the thoughts that tell you are not worth love, your thoughts that nothing good will ever happen for you because you “don’t deserve” to be happy. These ARE NOT GOD’s thoughts toward you, they are programmed lies to keep you miserable and in bondage.

LOSE the friends and family that only weigh you down and constantly reaffirm all the negative views and hate filled words that have already been more than hammered into your soul.

LOSE the users and losers and those who only want you as the whipping boy to curse and run after when they are stoned or drunk.

LOSE everything that hurts, binds, disturbs, and hinders your growth, peace and happiness.

FIND a NEW LIFE that heals, delivers, brings peace and above all a love and an acceptance by one whose love can not even be described.

FIND a God that loves as a father, a REAL father, not the biological person that aided in conception, who was so vicious and vile that he was wished away.

FIND a God that will be closer than any friend, brother, or sister, that will be there through your tears and will never give you “told you so’s” or down you.

FIND a spiritual spouse whose love  is so strong that HE died FOR YOU not want you to risk your life. or kill, or  steal for him.

FIND a God in whose arms your weakness IS made strong, whose GENTLENESS will make you great.

Find a God whose peace, mercy and understanding are unsearchable, who WILL cast your sins, failures and mistakes as far as the east is to the west and wash your crimson sins white as snow and make YOU completely NEW again.

The best part with Jesus is that He loves us JUST FOR US! He does not care what we have done or where we are or how we got there, and He will heal every one of those wounds that lead you to those dark places, He just wants to help you and save you and help you get on with the life HE wants to give you. But as always I really wish He would just come down and take us over BUT He does not work that way, He will not force His will on you, But He IS always there, waiting for YOU to ask Him, as Jesus does stand at the door and knock at our hearts BUT the handle is on our side, He can’t come in if we will not let Him.

And maybe the enemy is bugging you out with well, what does she know, perched on her  religious high horse? Well, actually I am perched on my super groovy swivel stool and I am not religious, I am saved. I am saved from the hardest things to overcome, demonic exposures straight from hell, my own bloodline, and most of all myself. My readers have most of my story weaved throughout enough posts to piece together some things but I had a brother, he was my part-time babysitter when I would be alone with him but I lived in a home with him 24/7. He had issues, and was also quite gifted at drawing pentagrams ( if that gives you a little insight to exposures) I did not even know what they were until I got a lot older, so he had problems and he made sure I did too. Mental terrorism can be quite effective at producing wounds that last twenty-seven years and those wounds can lead a life of living in sin, working in sin and an overwhelming need to fit in, belong, and just be normal. But I harbor no ill will and God has truly taught me that people have problems because they have been exposed to things that have harmed their souls.

The “normal” part is always what gets us all we hide our pain and the shame (which should not be there) in constantly trying to prove  how normal we are. But with me I could never escape  the spiritual chase of it all and my life truly was just one trauma after another and making it past eighteen was a feat in itself, enough pressure, a failed marriage thanks to my refusal to convert to Catholicism and I ended up right where the devil had wanted all the time and it was the ONLY place I fit in.

The thing with wounds that have been untreated for so many years grow deeper and deeper but once we allow God to heal us they become scars, I could never show anyone my wounds and once God started leading me with my writing, I began to understand how important it is to not hide the scars because some times the wounded need to see the scars of those that have been healed. Without those scars I may not have what I have today and that is a relationship with the very one who created me. And EVERYONE has a story and we can always find others who have fared far worse and have made it out.

” And THEY overcame him (satan) BY the BLOOD OF THE LAMB, and BY the WORD of their testimony”….. forget what you have been exposed to, do not allow it to determine your today and your tomorrow. It does not define who you are, reach out and give Him your all and BE who HE created you to be.

If you “lose” life as you know it, what have you lost?  Pain, sorrow, pressure? What will you find? Peace, love, and joy, I may always have a hurdle or two but I also have a peace and a reassurance that I have a God who really does love me, in spite of me and no matter who rejects me, ridicules me or just outright despises me I am still His child and I have a peace in it all that He never fails, if I hold His hand He will not let me fall.

This song was on my heart to go with this and I feel it is for someone, if you have never heard it, please listen and please surrender, it is the most beautiful experience you will ever know.

Φλογιζω Σαλπιζω Rev. Nina BrownJohnson 2016