“Beautifully Broken”

“While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell (fragrance) thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me….” Song of Solomon 1:12, 13 line 1.

The book of Solomon, a book that I think every woman in the world should read, should study, every single verse has something that will encourage, strengthen, and free us.

As I have said one hundred times and probably will say it at least one hundred more, you have to pray for spiritually interpretation and not get all hung up on the romantic comparison to human relationships.

And even the initials.. think about it.. Song of Solomon… S O S recognized the world over as a cry for help, immediate, desperate need for rescue. I was to post my personal testimony this go round, and actually I did last week.

After much prayer and a few hours of tears and consulting with two that lived it with me, I pulled it. Which I will share it some day, if even only in ‘live” environment. This is after all the world-wide web and there was no way of sharing it to my sisters without running a high risk of “stirring up a hornet’s nest” as the saying goes. But I still want to continue on with part of it.

My story basically came down to being in the world, as far into the world as one could possibly go and I point that out for this reason… God KNOWS where we are whether we are where we should be or not. And He knows how we were led there.

And as God has a plan for ALL of our lives, so does the devil. this is the reason so many women suffer abuses, whether physical, emotional, or sexual, many of those suffer LIFE-LONG.

Many coming from broken homes with abusive fathers marrying abusive, dominating men and NEVER breaking that cycle. NEVER knowing the freedom and love Jesus has for them and some are even brainwashed spending their entire lives in church while still suffering ungodly treatment at home.

And some of us.. well, we are so hurt, so wounded, so broken that we self-destruct because we will never allow anyone close to us again and settle neatly into lives of acceptance in our own circles, but often those circles are anything other than holy.

My story was such and while working at a specialty shop, I became a victim of acquaintance stalking which with the progression of time overshadowed even existence and damage that went far beyond anything anyone could have seen coming.

People can be truly evil and now being in Christ, I truly believe this particular person was truly demon possessed.

I also believe that the enemy sets up events to lead people right where he wants them and that is his pre planned point of destruction. And I can tell you assuredly that my very life was divinely and supernaturally spared.

And I can also tell you that these events and that supernatural intervention is the force that broke me. Joseph told his brothers that what they had meant for evil, God used for good. And had I not went through my ordeal I would not have come to Christ.

Anyone else out there have that problem?

BELIEVE in God, KNOW He is real, but your vessel is so full of hurt, rage, a false sense of guilt and shame, that you have became convinced that you are ALREADY condemned?

A good warning to anyone who feels the leading to change your life, don’t believe the lies of the enemy that God will not save you. Because when the enemy knows your under conviction and evaluating your life, he will hit you with everything he has if you do not run to Christ fast enough, which is what happened to me.

The only way my circumstances could have ever been different is had I never been on the road the enemy had me on.

And God knows I spent months and months crying as life had forced me to look at all the things inside myself that I did not want to look at and had spent a lifetime running from. And we can run but we can never outrun ourselves.

We can function, smile, try to live life but all the pain, hurt, and inner torment of our souls and all the negativity that goes with it starts to crack those alabaster boxes.

We can for a while patch those cracks with things of this world, put on our happy faces, tell ourselves that  life is well, we are strong, and it is such a joke.

I promise those patches are only temporary and those vessels will leak again unless you surrender to Jesus.

BROKEN vessels can not be repaired they MUST BE MADE NEW.

So after being touched by what was undeniably divine, I was left with the fact that there was something so broken inside of me and that there was NOWHERE to run or hide and the only option had been to acknowledge the fact that I was absolutely helpless in the ability to free myself from the prison of myself and seek that freedom or die there.

I cried, and cried, prayed, and prayed, always felt like I was praying to a God in the middle of the universe whom had indeed spared my life but that I had no right to ask for anything, and I begged Him to just “fix me” and this was a long painful process. This wasn’t a just for a week or a day, this was constant and even though, I thought I was broken already, the moment, the true moment, that my soul absolutely broke, my Dad was praying with me and I was baptized with the Holy Ghost, and I did not know how to explain what I had experienced but I knew WHO I had experienced.

I had no idea this experience existed. He was no longer a God in the middle of the universe, He was my very present help.

My trauma went so deep that I had to be given the Holy Ghost before I could even deal with all of it. And the next day I was absolutely delivered and set free from chains that had bound me almost my entire life.

And I can also tell you that whoever I had been died right there on my floor and I was born again unto the presence of the God of the universe and freedom that I had never known.

Freedom, joy, and a peace that nothing would ever be the same because now I KNEW God, I KNEW that my sins were forgiven and I KNEW He was REALLY there and really accepted me.

But sometimes even knowing all that we still wrestle with the issue of the scars that have to be dealt with once and for all. For about two months even after I was saved, I struggled, I struggled with nightmares, and the same old lies the enemy had tried to whisper to me for years.

I went to church one Sunday night and at this time I knew nothing really about the word of God, just the very basics, and the sermon was out of the Book of Solomon and at the end the preacher kept saying that “someone” had been going through this, more or less, free but still needing to BELIEVE that freedom. They did this altar call about three of four times and I knew it was me and I was so scared,  they made everyone close their eyes and keep praying and said that they were going to ask one more time for this person to come.

Finally I did make it up there and could not stop crying and my pastor at the time had one wrist and the preacher had the other because I was seriously considering running completely away.

Then I felt this presence next to me and there are no words to describe it, just the sweetest presence, and I was still crying with my thousands of reasons why I was not worth saving and the preacher told me, “He’s here” and I said “I know, He is standing right there” couldn’t see Him, but He was there.

And I know there is so many people would think that is just insane, but until you know Him for yourself, don’t be so sure about what you think is possible. Because NOTHING is impossible with God. The preacher gave me a very specific word about what I had been through and a certain word about the garden of God and as soon as I heard that word, I was just absolutely overwhelmed by this gentleness that had almost like a humility with it. It so hard to explain, I don’t think it can be explained I think you have to experience it for yourself.

But the moment my soul choose to BELIEVE and just surrender to a love that is so indescribable and I have never ever been the same and all the torment that the devil had put me through was absolutely washed so completely away by all I can even describe is a love that is NOT of this world, is nothing like we feel as humans and I was so overwhelmed by His Presence that honestly if He had manifested I could not have even made eye contact.

Again I know the world is full of naysayers and doubters but all I know is what I know and I know that I have a world full of sisters who need, just as my soul needed a manifestation of His presence to truly free them and make them new. 

I also know that there are so many teaching that the miracles and wonders of old were for the disciples and stopped with the book of Acts. That is okay if those who believe that want to stop there. Just because they believe that does not make it true for everyone.

But I had been “IN” The world and had no idea the power and wonder of Jesus UNTIL I experienced Him. God is NOT a respecter of persons, as the Bible teaches, what He does for one HE WILL DO FOR ANOTHER. And it changes everything.

He takes every hurt, every wound, every sorrow and He replaces it with His love, His mercy, and still the one I still stand in awe of is His gentleness. As I said I did not understand the Holy Ghost or anything else, I just knew that there was nothing I could do for me.

And for some us that is what it takes, complete destruction to be made beautifully new.  Many things can “break” us, I love the story of Hannah and her story has nothing to do with violence, her heartache resulted from her inability to bear a child.

It is not always violence, our hearts hold many secrets and fortunately we CAN dwell in secret place of the most High.

I’ll hit and miss verses in this, but please read it if you have a moment. 1 Samuel 1 tells us of Hannah’s heart.

This took place at that time men had multiple wives, (again multiple wives WERE NEVER God’s idea) and even though Hannah was the favored wife, she was unable to conceive so she was ridiculed and constantly tormented by the other wife, she suffered this year after year.

So 1 Samuel 1:10 tells us: “And she was in bitterness of soul, and wept sore.”

She then prayed a vow to God, promising him that if He gave her a son she would give him to the service of the Lord. As she prayed, she prayed in her heart but her lips moved,without audible words, so Eli the priest thought she was drunk.

This is a good thought for when people misjudge and accuse us when we are going through something they do not understand.

1 Samuel 1:14,15: ” And Eli said unto her, how long wilt thou be drunken? put away thy wine from thee. 

And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit;  

I have drunk NEITHER wine nor strong drink, BUT HAVE POURED OUT MY SOUL BEFORE THE LORD.” 

The story goes on for a bit and he tells her to “go in peace” remember this is also what Jesus told Mary.

1 Samuel 1:18: “And she said, Let thine handmaiden find grace in thy sight. So the woman went her way and did eat, and her countenance was NO more sad.” 

She goes on to conceive and give birth to her son and when she returned him to the temple to honor her vow, she prayed this prayer of joy, rejoicing, and a proclamation of His power and majesty.

1 Samuel 2:1-10: “And Hannah prayed, and said, my heart rejoiceth in the Lord, mine horn (strength) is exalted in the Lord: my mouth is enlarged over (smiles at) mine enemies; BECAUSE I rejoice in thy salvation.

THERE IS NONE HOLY AS THE LORD: FOR THERE IS NONE BESIDE THEE: NEITHER IS THERE ANY ROCK LIKE OUR GOD.

Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: FOR THE LORD IS A GOD OF KNOWLEDGE, AND BY HIM ACTIONS ARE WEIGHED.

The bows of the mighty men are broken: and they that stumbled are girded (clothed) with strength. They that were full have hired themselves out for bread; and they that were hungry ceased (had been fed): so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed (has grown) feeble.

The Lord killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. He maketh poor, and maketh rich; he bringeth low, and lifteth up.

He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory, FOR THE PILLARS OF THE EARTH ARE THE LORD’S, AND HE HATH SET THE WORLD UPON THEM.

HE WILL KEEP THE FEET OF HIS SAINTS, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; FOR BY STRENGTH SHALL NO MAN PREVAIL.

The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken in pieces, out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: then Lord shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and EXALT THE HORN (STRENGTH) OF HIS ANOINTED.”

So I know this is not for everyone, if you’re happy inside and have a great relationship with God, that is wonderful. But if  are struggling with issues or you have never trusted Him as your Saviour and you KNOW that there is no “fixing” you, or the problem that weighs you down then please, please, seek Him, trust Him, and rest your tortured soul in His mercy.

Get His opinion of you before you throw one more moment of your life away. What better time than as we celebrate all the things we have to be thankful for.

Psalm 110:4,5: “ENTER into his courts with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: BE THANKFUL UNTO HIM AND BLESS HIS NAME. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.”

In his presence, we find that table at which the King sits and notice with our starting verse, our SOS, He sits at His table but it is our “spikenard” that gives the aroma. Just as Mary came to him and broke her flask .

We SEEK Him, He is already there but we have to seek Him because He will not just take us over, He does not work that way. We have to be willing to break our own flasks and once we do that precious oil flows forth.

We can NEVER purify ourselves which is why  HE IS is the “bundle” of myrrh that forever dwells with us and in us, in our heart, in our soul.

Just as Esther bathed in myrrh for purification, we are washed IN Him, in His purification of us. And in that split second that TRUE surrender takes place and that we DIE to ourselves and are simultaneously reborn into him 

And just as the sorrow and sadness of Hannah was  replaced by joy and peace, and she was given victory over her enemy. You will be also once your pour out your soul to the only one who can pour His strength into you!

Εξυπνιζω NBJ 2017

This should take you to the artists site, this is the most perfect song.